Future Guesses

Today I completed my first observation of the many to follow this semester. I always enjoy observations. It is fun to be in a classroom and simply try to hide in the back corner. I do not need to get involved in the class activities, just sit back and scrutinize the teacher. I really suggest everyone to try it sometime. 

Even though observations are supposed to give one an idea of what it is like to be a teacher, I fear that it does not even come close. We only see what is presented to the class that day. We do not see the teacher preparing the lesson, grading homework, filling out various reports on individual students and all of the education that had to be completed before being Pennsylvania certified. When I observe I always get excited about the possiblity of being a high-school teacher. Then I stop and reflect on all the dirty work involved with teaching and I quickly get discouraged. I do not handle stress well and I think whithin the first week of being a teacher I would lose all my hair due to the ferocious pulling of it. 

It is comforting to know that my Heavenly Father knows what I will be doing in my future. I do not recall if I mentioned the options rolling around in my head as of now, but I will mention them again anyway! Of course we have the possibility of being a secondary English teacher. Exciting, yet exhuasting. Then there is the possibility of being a library scientist. Although this sounds tantalizing to all you readers (do not lie, I can tell),  I really have no idea what being a library scientist entails. None. Next option, a guidance counsellor. That is another profession that Iam  completely ignorant of. Also, there is substitute teaching. Now, talk about exciting! I would never know what awaits me in my day. Although, that does sound to me to be very stressful. Choice bajillion, speech and language pathologist. We had a guest speaker come to my Introduction to Special Education class last semester and it sounded like such a rewarding job. 

I know that every person undergoes this major decision at least once in their lifetime. I know that some even go through this journey of identity many times whether he/she be young or old. I know I have already changed my major twice and it will probably change again sometime in the future. I just have to keep on reminding myself that God has been with me in my past, He is with me in the present, and He will be with me in the future. It is a good thing He knows what is going on becuase if He did not...I would be doomed. In fact, we all would.

Why the Hate?

As is common knowledge (or at least I think...?), I am taking an Introduction to Philsophy course at NCC this semester. I cannot express how glad I am that I only have to sit through two more class discussions. We are now discussing the topic "Philosophy of Religion". The first day of class while reviewing the syllabus I noticed this topic was scheduled and immediately I felt sick. I knew I would be hearing some mind-boggling opinions kids of my generation had about God. And indeed, my high hopes were met.

Today, was especially interesting and equally frustrating. The beginning of the class people did not have much to say about God being our intelligent designer. He wanted us to disprove a philosopher's theory who said this world being created without an intelligent designer does not make sense. I had nothing to say and I am glad no one else did either. He then entered another branch dealing of the philosophy of religion. We began to discuss the ontological (an account of being) theory of God. A follower of this theory was St. Anselm, a major theologian. His essay in our textbook dealt with his rebuttal tactic for theists debating with atheists about God.

Our professor asked the class to give some reasons as to why someone would not believe in God. One girl gave a cliche response, "I can't see him how do I know he is there?" As I sat in my chair, grinding my teeth, all I could keep on thinking was how stupid that reason is! I mean, seriously? What about gravity, air. Can anyone out there "see" that? No. But, we hold onto its existence for our existence. Why is it so hard for people to get that? No, we don't see God, but oh, how we all need Him like the air! Even now, I have that burning feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just want to get up, scream and say, "OPEN YOUR EYES! WHY CAN'T YOU LET HIM LOVE YOU?! ALL OF THE ANSWERS YOU LOOKING FOR ARE RIGHT THERE!"

My favorite response of the day, though, came from a young gentleman. His apology on God was this: Let us suppose that predestination exists. God plans a person's life from the day he/she is born until the day he/she dies. If this is the case, God makes a person kill another person. So, doesn't that make God a murderer? If a person cannot control his/her life, everything done is God's fault.
I must give the guy credit for creativity. It is a sick, disgusted, perverted creativity, but an interesting thought nonetheless. Very original. When I heard that, though, my heart sunk. He said it with such firmness, bitterness and conviction, I cannot comprehend how someone could hate the God I love so much. I mean honestly, what has God ever done to these people?

What is even worse about all of this is I sit in my chair silent. My professor is looking for us to bring up topics that do not deal with God's goodness or love. He just wants us to prove that it is a necessity to have an Intelligent Designer. That is it. I sit in my seat wanting to yell and scream at these people, but cannot. For me, I love my God becaise of His kindness and goodness. Do not get me wrong, I do believe that this world does not make sense without a Creator. I mean seriously, everything in existence would have to be a pretty fantastic accident. Like my professor said, if this world was an accident, there should be no continuity among species. None.

When I hear these kind of upsetting statements or comments in class, I have to write little prayers or poems in my notebook to vent out those intense emotions I experience. Otherwise, I would be creating a ruckus and not demonstrating self-control as I walked around to each person smacking them upside the head. Here is what jumbled off of my pen today:
I sit in your world,
I feel your pain.
Oh, those words that pain.
Worse
Than the stab of a sword.
The nausea,
The knots,
I can't believe
My ears.
God,
Your beautiful creation
Hates who you are.
God,
Your beautiful creation
Wants to live on their own.
Rescue their souls.
Save their lives.
Touch them.
Be real to them.
Oh, God
Your beautiful creation.

Please, pray for my class. Pray for my professor. Pray for me. I hope I am presented with a good opportunity to talk about my God before class is over. An opportunity when I am level headed and able to control those feelings of anger and disappointment.

School's Curse

I never did mind homework. I still don't, it just is not my favorite and as the semester continues those feelings of dislike have reached hate. I have two papers due tomorrow and I have been working on them for about three hours now. I love to write, I am sure you all assumed that considering I am blogging. Even though I love writing when it comes to writing about stem cell research or reflecting on two visits from a lady who has a son with a disabillity, it all of sudden does not become fun anymore. I sit at the computer desk and stare at the computer feeling frustration arise as I continue to stare at the screen and write nothing. When I do start writing something, it is not inspired or creative. It just is.

The same thing is true of reading. I love to read. Give me a book and I will gobble it up instantly if time allows. Give me a textbook and all of a sudden my vigor leaves. I hate reading textbooks. I hate reading about students with hearing and visual impairments, African art, essays by major philosphers. OK, maybe not hate, but I feel so forced to do it. Do not get me wrong, if it was my choice to read about these topics, then great! I would probably be blogging about all the cool stuff I just learned, but since I am assigned it, forget it.

I guess I need to tweek my mindset when it comes to homework. I probably should keep this blog in mind when I begin teaching. I do not want my students to feel this way when they have to do my homework. What a vicious cycle. I am the student hating the work I have to do and then I am going to be the one assigning that stupid homework. Odd....

Life

In a couple of my classes students have been challenged to define life and then distinguish life from human. I honestly never really thought about it, I just took advantage that people would know the difference. But, it is important to know this distinction so that one can defend unborn babies and people who have severe disabilities.

My philosophy professor had us watch a video in class on Thursday. It was a silly Stark Trek episode. Sorry for all those Trekkies out there, I was never interested in the show. The cheesy dialogue and predictable events never caught my attention. Well, anyway, we watched this particular episode where this one scientist wanted to disembow and study a human-looking machine. Of course, the commander in charge has a close association with the machine and feels that "he" has rights. So, a court case is held to decide whether the robot should be respected as human or not.

The only thing that kept on popping into my head is how come people in this world have more affection and compassion toward robots compared to unborn babies? I don't understand, I never will, and I am certain this is a good thing. However, it is hard to define the delicate difference between life, human and inanimate objects. So, I challenge everyone, what do you think? How would you define and distinguish each of these things? While you all think about this, I am going to go and write a paper on it. Have fun.